GOAL: A Content Heart

I have a feeling that God is strongly trying to teach me to have a content heart in all circumstances. 

It started last week with a post from a friend who said that many of us are never happy with our bodies, no matter how good they look.  This has certainly been true for me.  In high school I was a hurdler in Track and I had a very fit body.  I was a size 8 with abdominal muscles that you could actually see.  Was I happy?  No!  I still thought I was fat and I was disappointed that I "only" had a two-pack, instead of a six-pack of abs.  I would do just about anything to be that fit again, but frankly, I don't have time to run and lift weights for 2-3 hours every afternoon like I did back then.  Not to mention, having three children in three years has changed more than a few things about my body.  My body is not perfect, but it has seen me through a lot of pretty amazing things and it's overall healthy!  It has scars, stretch marks, too much fat...etc., but can I still be happy with what I have while I'm working on it?  You bet. 

Then I recognized God was telling me to apply this principle to the rest of my life, and I was like, "Okay...that sounds good."  I'm not exactly a positive or optimistic person naturally, so this would take a little work for me and I knew that.  But I was NOT prepared for what the next week would throw at me. 

• First, a driver that I did not want to hire, but did, in spite of my best judgement, ruined my perfect safety score with the DOT only one day after I put him on the road (I own a trucking company...if you did not know that).  
• Our lawn tractor died.  We have two acres of lawn to mow...it would take ages to mow it with a push mower...so we need a new one.  That's probably going to be between $2000-$3000 to replace, because we also need one with a snowthrower (our driveway is extremely long).  We're trying to find a good used one...but it's proving to be a challenge thus far.
• Yesterday we found out that our air conditioner had keeled over sometime between last fall when we turned it off for the season and when we ran it for a test run last Friday.  The Service Plus repair guy broke the bad news to us yesterday that it's not repairable.  Okay, we can live without AC for this summer (or as long as it takes to save up the money to replace it) - it was just "one more thing" to throw on the heap this week.  Fortunately, it hasn't exactly been a warm summer so far...it'll be okay.  But if/when we decide to replace that - that's about $3600.  
• A little history: We just had to replace our furnace for $3500 in February.  In March, we went through thousands of dollars in medical bills when my second son was burned (we have insurance, but it's a high-deductible plan).  It feels like it has just been a financial tornado lately around here.  
• We follow Dave Ramsey's plan - we've been paying down debt, we are responsible spenders on a zero-balance budget, and we have an emergency savings account...but that account is only so deep, my friends.  It's a little stressful - we don't want to go into debt to take care of these things.  
• And then came the worst part...yesterday, after a day of bad news, I was on edge, to say the least.  My two-year old (who has been more-than-a-little-difficult for the past few weeks) started throwing a massive tantrum in the yard when I told him he needed to come inside and go potty, and I had zero patience for the fit he was throwing.  He started to run from me and I grabbed his arm...at which point his elbow popped out of the socket.  I have never felt so horrible in my life...having hurt my own child.  The fact that it was an accident or that it "happens all the time" (according to the doctor we saw) was no consolation.  I spent the next few hours at the Urgency Center with him while they tried to fix it.  He was acting a little better by the time we left...but this morning it's quite obvious that it's still very painful for him, so we'll be taking him down to Children's Hospital today to have them look at it. I feel awful!  

Today I don't feel victorious...I feel defeated.  I want to have a content heart in any circumstance...but honestly I'm struggling.  I'm trying to remind myself how very blessed we are.  We have shelter, we have clean water and food, we have our health, we have three beautiful, healthy children!  And despite the recent barrage of unexpected expenses, we aren't desolate or broke.  There is so much to be thankful for...and it definitely could be worse:

• Some dear friends of my grandma just lost their sweet 2 year old granddaughter (only a week before her 3rd birthday) last Friday after a 9 month battle with cancer.  I should be grateful for a turbulent two-year old.  He is healthy and he is alive...which is a blessing in itself. 
• My home, even though it's been a money-pit lately, still stands...unlike the poor folks in Moore and El Reno, OK.

Self-pity is not my friend while trying to learn to have a content heart.  In fact, even as I write this, I feel my heart changing.  Thus far, God has always made sure we have everything we need (and more), why I'm not trusting Him with my current circumstance is a mystery. I choose to trust. 

My life is pretty good, after all!  And I am grateful to God for all that I have.  I choose not to focus on these momentary circumstance any more than I must.  Life will go on, and in a year's time...these "problems" will probably not even be a distant thought in my mind.  A content heart is my goal and a closer walk with God along with a good dose of gratitude, not despairing about my circumstances, is the only thing that will get me there.  Onward and upward!